Is it You or Me?

Does it ever seem like people are constantly walking in and out of your life? I’m not talking about the ever so popular move pulled called “ghosting” when it seems two people and interested in each other and one stops all communicated and disappears. I’m talking about becoming best friends with someone who slowly pulls away from you. The group of friends you spent all summer with sudden seem like strangers? How you meet someone going through a similar situation and you help each other out and then they’re gone.

It can be painful and feel incredibly personal. It’s hard when one day you have someone to talk to and tell everything too then suddenly, they’re gone. I make plenty of acquaintances but have a harder time making friends because so many of them have walked away. So I’ve learned to teach myself to think about it in a different way, which has affected not only the way I think about other people but also about myself.

People show up in our lives to serve a purpose, when they have done what is necessary, they leave.  *Disclaimer: some people are just rude as fuck and disappear because they’re not reliable. But even in that, we can learn a lesson.*

When I was a whole lot less sure of myself and people would walk out of my life, I was so sure it was something I was doing. I wasn’t being a good friend, too attentive, not attentive enough, I was funny, pretty, cool, popular, or any other thousands of things that run through our minds. I just knew that someone I cared about was gone. Suddenly it was like they were a stranger.

But I started to notice, I did the same thing. I would start drifting out of people’s life. It wasn’t intentional, I didn’t suddenly hate them, I just didn’t have anything to say anymore or it seemed like we had both changed directions and suddenly there was just space between us. So instead of taking my energy holding dead space, I moved on. No bad blood between us, just empty space.

When I took some time and really looked at it, the pros and cons of the relationship, what we each brought to the table and I kind of broke down the aspects of each relationship I had. I realized when things came up in my life and I needed something I didn’t possess or didn’t know how to pull out of me, these people showed up. When I needed an understanding shoulder to cry on, someone who had a similar pain (either in the past or current) was there to help me through it. When I was being bullied, someone came into my life that showed me how to stand up for myself.

This isn’t a one way thing either. I’ve had people come into my life in what seemed like a totally random but in some way, I had something to offer them. It could be my time, advice, just being there, a hug, a person to talk their problems out with, sometimes, just being there.

And sometimes, these happened at the same time. We found each other so we could both offer what we have to offer and sometimes that’s just companionship. I’ve always had a few friends who have been around most of my life. We’ll spend large chunks of time together, then we drift away, then find our way back again. It’s like no time is lost or had even passed.

When I look at human nature, friendships, relationships, even family dynamics, I may not see it the same way you do. I don’t see people who have wronged me (even when we had an inharmonious ending), I see lessons learned. I see each person as another human who taught me a lesson, good or bad. No lesson is a bad one, really. Perhaps just more painful. Pain reminds us that we are human.

Side Ramble: Why the hell are people so cruel to each other? It’s like people enjoy the act of hurting another for their benefit. So many people treat other people like objects. We take less time actually talking and getting to know each other and spend more time just playing mind games with each other.

“Technology made it easy for us to stay in touch while keeping a distance 'til we just stayed distant and never touched. Now all we do is text too much.” – Sage Francis

Back the topic at hand now! If you’d like to try a taste of this knowledge yourself, sit down and write what you bring to the table and what you take away. Perhaps you are a great listener or people seek you out for advice but you require a lot of attention which can be draining to the other people. Sometimes we can’t see our pros and cons, so you could seek out a trusted friend and ask them to give you some insight. If you’re defensively or easily offended this may not be the best idea for you. But this could give you some awesome insight into your life and what needs improvement. Trust me, we could all use a bit of fine tuning in our life.

Alright tribe, any insight of your own? Anything you’d like to add?  Perhaps you see things differently. Like I said, I want this to be a place where we can all talk and get to know each other.

Vibe Higher,

Lobeless