Where did you go?

Does it ever seem like people are constantly walking in and out of your life?

I’m not talking about the ever so popular move called “ghosting” when it seems two people and interested in each other and one stops all communicated and disappears. I’m talking about becoming best friends with someone who slowly pulls away from you. The group of friends you spent all summer with sudden seem like strangers? How you meet someone going through a similar situation and you help each other out and then they’re gone.

When you form these important connections and suddenly they're gone, it can be hurtful and confusing. You allow yourself to open up and be vulnerable, you trust them, and then it's over. I make plenty of acquaintances, I enjoy polite small talk, but really opening up to someone I find much more difficult.

I felt like it was something I was doing wrong, like somehow I wasn't good enough for them. I had this negative thought process constantly running through my head and it took it's toll. Until I began really working to improve myself.

During my journey of self-improvement and love, I realized I had to take a different approach to how I think about these relationships, why they're important and how they serve me.

I changed my inner dialogue to add meaning to these relationships that didn't involve that feeling of abandonment. "People show up in our lives to serve a purpose, when they have done what is necessary, they may exit." Like a character in a play.

But I started to notice, I did the same thing.

I would start drifting out of people’s life. It wasn’t intentional, I didn’t suddenly hate them, I just didn’t have anything to say anymore or it seemed like we had both changed directions and suddenly there was just space between us. So instead of taking my energy holding dead space, I moved on.

No bad blood between us, just memories of a good friend.

When I took some time and really looked at it, the pros and cons of the relationship, what we each brought to the table and I kind of broke down the aspects of each relationship I had. I realized when things came up in my life and I needed something I didn’t possess or didn’t know how to pull out of me, these people showed up.

When I needed an understanding shoulder to cry on, someone who had a similar pain (either in the past or current) was there to help me through it. When I was being bullied, someone came into my life that showed me how to stand up for myself.

This isn’t a one way thing either. I’ve had people come into my life in what seemed like a totally random but in some way, I had something to offer them. It could be my time, advice, just being there, a hug, a person to talk their problems out with, sometimes, just being there.

Or I would find myself meeting someone who needed me, what I had to offer them emotional.

At times, a new person entered my life. As a pair, we conquered something together. Every new person you engage with possess knowledge or experiences that you haven't (or if they have, not in the exact same way). If you take the time to listen, you can learn something new from everyone.

I’ve always had a few friends who have been around most of my life. We’ll spend large chunks of time together, then we drift away, then find our way back again. It’s like no time is lost or had even passed. We're there for each other when we need one the other.

Taking time to observe human nature, friendships, relationships, and even family dynamics changed completed. I suddenly didn't see a person who have wronged me (even when we had an inharmonious ending), I see lessons learned. I see each person as another human who taught me a lesson, good or bad. No lesson is a bad one, really.

Perhaps just more painful. Pain reminds us that we are human.

Try this for yourself.

First, you have to change your inner mantra, they didn't leave because of something you had done. They left because they served their purpose in your life and it was time to move on.

Exercise One:

Write out a list of what qualities you possess. One's that could be offered to others, such as being a good listener, giving good advice, always willing to go out of my way to help someone you care about. If you find yourself having a hard time finding your qualities, find a trusted friend to write a pro and con list from what they have observed. *If you get defensive, become offended easily, or hurt by things like that, don't do that. No point in hurting yourself*

By making this list, you can gain insight into things to work on or things you should use more often.

Exercise Two:

I wrote down each person that left my life and hurt me.

I examined each relationship to see: what was going on at that time, what did I need, what did they need, did we help each other, what did they provide me with before it was their time to exit?

Forget the pain of them leaving, perhaps you were going through a crisis and they were there for you with advice and helped you find a solution you didn't think of on your own.

Basically you have to look to see what that person did for you that somehow benefited you, good or bad.

So in summary, it's up to you to choose how you will react to people walking away. You can either learn from it and embrace the lessons, skills, advice, friendship, comfort, care, or whatever they provided. Or you can let the negativity poison you and your future friendships. It's all up to you!

Vibe Higher,

Lobeless

#whypeopleleave #changeyourperspective #embracethegoodandbad