MODERN DATING IS BULLSHIT (updated 5/18)

Let's talk about sex, baby. Also dating websites, modern "courtship", flirting, and slam pieces.

One constant in everyone's life is dating and marriage. When we're little we dream of prince charming or our princess in a tower that we'll find. We imagine relationships to have epic drama but also a resolution, like every television show or movie we watch. Around middle school, sex started to enter into shows more and more. Suddenly, sex wasn't a big deal, something worth waiting for, finding a person worthy. It's just a thing people do and it really doesn't mean nearly as much as our parent's may have emphasized.

Middle school is also when the internet started really kicking in with things like AIM and what not. High school we got Myspace and Facebook. Fast forward a few years (maybe less but I've only ever used the apps on my phone which was after 2007) and we have dating sites. Not one, plenty of them. We are literally posting a paragraph about us and picking our best six or eight images to see who likes us back. Let's also not forget tinder, an app literally made for finding other people just to fuck.

So let's say I match with someone. We both found each other attractive or maybe our paragraph was funny. But once we start talking, it goes dead. They'll ask to hang out or hook up and I tell them I don't meet people right away,

I tell them I want to chat for awhile, they're okay with it. We swap phone numbers, you get the what's up text and you get sent a "sexy" photo or text sexual things to me. I just stare blankly, uhhhhhhh, thanks, I guess? Or by chance they seem fun and decent so you invite them to watch a movie with you. You're showing zero interest or just enjoying cuddling, but you know what they want. They want to get laid. Someone the word cuddle has begun to translate to sex.

I've had one slam piece my whole life. I think he was around for nearly seven or so years. We were friends, we respected each other, but our timing for wanting a relationship was always off. I loved him, I still do. He was such a good friend and he was there a lot of times when I really needed someone. He made me feel important, safe, and cared about no matter what.

I know girls who have multiple slam pieces. I made a decision that I wasn't interested in sex unless I had a connection with the person, a real one, not an overnight one. I was tired of meeting someone, really liking them, seeing the same from them but the moment they got what they wanted (or tried to and failed), they would ghost me. It hurts to think I'm good enough to sleep with but not good enough for them to stick around. I was tired of being hurt by self-serving people, so I removed sex from my life until I wanted to be intimate, on my terms. I created a boundary that I don't let people cross now.

Our connections to each other have changed so drastically. We all (well almost everyone) carry a cell phone around with us yet we don't want to talk. How many times do you silence your phone when someone calls or ignore it? How often do you video chat with your friends? It seems like to get a hold of people these days you have to text them or they're not going to answer. We would rather read emotionless words than hear something a person has to say.

This generation has so many ways to stay connected yet we've never been further apart. Following an instagram, liking a clever tweet or post, sharing a photo is how we know what our friends are doing. We no longer get together as often and when we do, people are on their phones most of the time. How can you really connect and learn about someone with phones out, talking to other people or taking pictures of them just to post to social media later.

We’ve been taught not to show our emotions as they are weakness. Girls are also taught that our bodies are our tools and not our minds. We’re taught that our value comes from what others give us. We’re taught that if we tell how we feel we’re crazy or possessive or clingy. And it’s WRONG. Humans were not meant to live like this. We're so separated yet most people can't see it.

I want to find a person who sets my soul on fire. Who makes me want to be a better person, makes me want to dream, to create, to be someone’s partner. I want someone to face the darkness with me, hand and hand, ready for anything. I want someone who can make me laugh. I want someone to hold me close, stroke my hair and tell me they love me after a bad day. I want someone to mean it so much they can’t imagine a world without me in it, someone that suddenly takes the loneliness, the heartbreak, my past and it doesn’t mean a thing. I want to do that same thing for them. I want to be strong and loyal while he takes on the world. I want to build a life together, small pieces at a time built on trust and eventually love.

Make the decisions you want to make. If you want to sleep with someone on a first "date", do it. If you never want to have sex with anyone, then do that. Only you know what's right for you and no one has any right to tell you differently. Learn to rely on yourself, you don't require acceptance or permission from anyone to live your life the way you want to.

Vibe Higher, Lobeless Lady

#datingthroughtechnology #surroundedbysex #onlinedating #humanconnection #Doyou