It's time to take off the mask
Everyone is talking about being your authentic self, it seems to be a word that is everywhere now. But what does it mean to be your “authentic self”? How do you know if you are or aren’t authentic?
To choose authenticity means being imperfect, being vulnerable, while setting boundaries. It’s being brave enough to be yourself and genuine enough to live according to your values, not others.
Authenticity can lead to better coping strategies, stronger sense of self-worth, improved confidence and increases our chances of following and achieving your goals. You’ll be able to get farther ahead in life by being your authentic self, which simply put, means being the real you.
We are constantly surrounded by outside influences, opinions, and even expectations. We’re taught to conform to these things when internally they may not reflect what we truly want from life. We’re judged by others on superficial things such as what car we drive, if we have the latest smart phone, what brand of clothes we wear, or our own personal style.
But why do we do this? Why is it so important to fit into the standards or ideal of who we should be? Most people, conscious or unconsciously, have the intense fear of expressing who we truly are. If we fully express who we are and what we want, we risk people won’t accept or like us. On the other hand, by being a version of ourselves that isn’t true to our core beliefs and self, people will notice, you will come across insincere. When someone is insincere, we inherently doubt someone that is insincere.
Also, by living to the standards that other want from you, we take away our creativity. We’re left leading a life that is becomes a bland routine of going through the emotions. We can only fake who we are, what we want, or our true opinions before so long before that “mask” starts to slip. It takes effort to be a try to be a person you aren’t and that is exhausting.
Plus, when you really thing about it, why would you want too? Overbearing parents, social status, relationships (romantic or otherwise) we have, and society does put a lot of pressure on you to fit in. But if you can break through these ideals you think you have to follow, you truly become free to be who you are, which not only improves the quality of your life, but it allows you to share your unique gifts and skills to the world.
Find who you truly are, at your very core can be daunting and scary, but the rewards are endless. There is no price you can put on living your full life full of passion and passion comes from our core. Here’s a few things to consider or try to help you begin to discover who you truly are.
Get Real- When engaging with people, take a real interest in what they are saying. When you ask questions, actively listen without interrupting or giving them our opinion. Allow them to speak, say what they fully need to say then you can respond. When you interrupt someone to talk about yourself or give them your opinion, the other person can feel disrespected, irritated, agitated, unimportant, or devalued. Listen fully to what someone has to say and realize that your opinion is not always required even if you want to give it. Allow them to express themselves and accept them. We all have different ideas, opinions, and morals.
Evaluate- Take some alone time and get ready to do some soul searching. It can be hard to take that cold hard look at yourself, but will benefit in the long run. Make a list of people that you interact with and enjoy their company, list the qualities about them you like and more importantly, how the bring out the best in you. Write down your hobbies, anything you’re passionate about and that is important to you and the quality of your life. Lastly, write a list of the qualities and traits you see in yourself, figure out which are the most important to your morals and values and work to cultivate and strengthen them. Next, review.
Review- Review the lists you made, don’t rush doing these lists, you may be able to write and review these in a day or it may take your more time. We don’t always tend to see the good qualities within ourselves. By looking at the qualities and the traits of the people around you, you can see who brings out the best in you and is assisting in your growth as your authentic self. You will also find who you tend to be a false version of yourself, you may need to remove them from your life. By taking the time to review the qualities and traits within you that you value, Even if they may not be the strongest at the moment, by recognizing them you get an idea of who you truly are and are able to take the steps to become that person.
Quit beating yourself up- Stop feeding yourself self-limiting thoughts or feeling guilty for trying to improve yourself. We also tend to beat ourselves up for things in the past. You have to remember that you cannot change what happen in the past, so stop living there. You must live and be present in present moment. If you’re stuck in the past, the moments happening now won’t mean nearly as much. Begin learning how to love yourself and be at peace with your life. This can be an incredibly slow process, be patient with yourself. Once you can begin to truly love yourself and accept your past, your authentic self will begin to shine through any false masks you’ve created.
Start Tracking- Keep a small journal with you at all times. When you allow yourself to be authentic, and you notice you arrived in a testing situation, keep track and write down what the situation was, your actions or behaviors, what you did or how you handled it. Reviewing it can show you when you slip your fake mask on to cover up your true self or show when you were able to stay true to yourself. By learning triggers, you can learn how to change negative behaviors.
Boost your brain- There is nothing better than being yourself. Throughout life, we continue to grow mentally. To encourage your authentic self, learn a new skill or start a new hobby. This can introduce you to new people who accept your true self or simple allow you to grow your true self into a more complete person.
Step back- Alone time is good, too much can be detrimental but the occasional alone day is good. Especially when you begin to work on becoming your authentic self. If you’re constantly surround by other people, It can be hard to find your separate self in a crowd. So take your personal time, clear your head and take some time to soul search. Watch your favorite movie, make your favorite food, write/read/play a game/engage in your hobby, the things you honestly love to do, not what another enjoys doing.
Embrace your mother- Mother Nature, I mean. Get out into nature, take your shoes and socks off (assuming it’s nice enough to do so) and connect with the earth and nature. Breathe in the fresh air, take notice of all the different things around you. Say you’re out in a wood area with a body of water nearby. Notice all the different plants, water, rocks, animals, colors, smells, and whatever else. Focus on their differences but how they all happily co-exist at the same time in such a beautiful setting. Imagine almost the same thing of you and the crowd.
Switch it up- Most of all are all naturally people pleasers and we tend to say yes to things even if we don’t want to. Even more so, to someone we view who has more power than us, such as a boss or authority figure. Perhaps it’s time to start being more forward, if you don’t want to do something, say NO. You are completely allowed to say no when presented with a request. But look at the flip side, if you’re an introvert and you typically say no to parties, dinner, bars, or any social engagements. Perhaps take a chance and say yes. You’re on the search for you authentic self, and perhaps you’ve been limited into conditioned responses or conditioned behavior. Step out of your norm and see what happens.
Forget yourself once in a while- We are our own top priority, we come first, we want to be right, we want acknowledgement, and we want what WE want. Which is all well and good, but how often have you considered others? That by actively listening to what others have to say. We may not agree but it doesn’t mean they’re wrong. How can you develop an educated opinion by only knowing one side of something? You can’t.
Golden rule- Treat others how you wish to be treated. Show care, attention, kindness and compassion to everyone you encounter, not just those you like. You may be the kind that gets angry if a homeless person asks you for money, giving them the snide comment of why don’t you get a get? Instead, even if you can’t or don’t want to give them money, Perhaps just say you’re sorry but you don’t have any to give and wish them a good day. Consider your actions, think if you would want to be treated like that, if not, work to change that into a more positive response. Most people have the response they do, due to some negative trigger.
Working towards becoming your authentic self is an individual mission. Being your authentic self isn’t a destination, it’s a lifelong journey. We are constantly changing as humans, regardless if we’re seeking self-improvement or not. Being authentic isn’t just being your honest and true self regardless of who’s around, it’s becoming self-aware, being humble and the ability to accept feedback and criticism as constructive, not insulting.
So embrace who you are. Dress how you want, laugh at what you find funny, and really allow the people around you to really experience you as a person. Follow your dreams and passion, no one else. You know what’s important to you, regardless of any other pressures. By being the authentic you, you have the ability to inspire others to do the same. Every single person has faced their own challenges, struggles, and life in general which has shaped the person you are today. Your authentic self is different from everyone else. Every individual is different so learn to embrace and show yours, while at the same time embracing others for who they are.
Simply Put: Accept who you are and accept others for who they are.
Vibe Higher,
Lobeless