It's okay to not be okay. (updated 5/18)

Lobeless Lady
Jan 14, 2018
2 min read

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

So this week has been trying. I lost another person I loved deeply to suicide. While I know I’m not the only one mourning his loss, it made waves through an entire community. So many people loved and cared about him, yet I’m not sure any of us knew he was in pain.

That’s why I want to talk about the stigma surrounding mental illness. We say the word and shudder. People look at you differently, some assume things, some avoid you, some tell you that you need help, some people push medication, some people push going without, but the trust is, unless you’re dealing with the illness, it’s none of your business.

I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and Complex PTSD. When I get a new job it's scary for me to tell people because the reaction isn't always great, sometimes it's incredibly awkward but I have to tell them so they understand why I may do some of the things I do.

I spent almost two years in massage therapy school and trust me when I say, I think everyone has a breakdown of some sort during their time in school, which can be healing but it’s also overwhelming. I was one of the ones that not only had one breakdown but multiple breakdowns. I can’t count the amounts of times I cried or had to tell someone to quit touching me, had to walk out the classroom, couldn’t drag myself to class. For a while I self-medicated and even self-harmed because I felt so out of control in the class and I felt like I wasn’t heard by my teacher and was continued to be pushed past my comfort zone and mental threshold.

I’ve also been asked about the amount of scars on my body, and some are easy to distinguish as suicide attempts. People tip toe around the subject but still make it an obvious point to avoid it. When I performed surgery at home to remove my lobes, a massive amount of people reached out to me thinking I was in trouble, I was suicidal because what kind of person cuts off their own ear lobes or shred their wrist?

The answer is simple. A desperate person.

Please consider your actions and words said, you have no idea what's going on in someones life. Please reach out if you're depressed or suicidal. If you notice a friend have a hard time, reach out to them. If you honestly don't know how to handle it, there are resources online available. If it seems like an emergency, even if you're not there and don't know what's going on but they've said something to make you believe they're suicidal, please call 911 requesting a wellness check to your friend.

I don't want anyone to lose another person we love because we couldn't reach out or didn't take the time to make a call that could save a life.