Human Attraction. Part 1

Standing around at your favorite place, you’re surrounded by people. You glance around the room and that one person catches your eye.

You’re single, smart, kinda funny, and attractive and they look amazing. A thousand scenarios run through your head until you finally work up the nerve to speak to them.

You saunter over, but now what? Is the attraction mutual? How do you know? Well psychology has been looking for the answer to that too. So what have we learned from studies, research, observation and trials. Turns out humans are pretty complex.

Ready to dive into the deep?

Psychologists have concluded two potential theories that may answer how attraction happens.

Evolutionary Theory:

• This theory hinges on the belief that behavioral tendencies, physical characteristics and attributes, and personality features that promotes our chances to survive and reproduce become desirable to us.

• This evolutionary approach predicts that biological and anatomical differences between males and females will result in different preferences for partner selection.

• Men will seek out women that have features such as youthful appearance, hip to waist ratio “hourglass figure”, healthy skin, white straight teeth, and radiates a happy, healthy appearance. These things help present a woman as fertile and healthy.

• Women may look for things such as facial hair, wide shoulders that lead to a narrower waist, a masculine voice and that kind of bad boy appearance and attitude. In a women’s mind, from an evolutionary standard, women look for a protector, especially when pregnant, but in general. This dates back to hunter and gatherer days.

The second theory is a bit more modern. Science says both could exist, different with each person or it could be one or the other, they’re not completely sure. The joys of science and psychology, it takes a long time to prove a theory. So let’s take a look at the second.

Social Role Theory:

• This theory states that social processes dictate our social choices including choosing our partner.

• Mate selection rules are dictated by the roles that men and women occupy in society. Meaning, our preference’s on what makes a good mate will change as social roles and social norms shift.

• Society norms have changed, hence, we look for different things in our partners. If we look back a generation or two compared to now, a lot has changed.

• Before, men worked and women stayed home. Men made the money and provided the capital for everything. Women stayed home, raised children, they cooked and cleaned.

• Now most households require two incomes to even survive, men have taken up helping with cooking and cleaning, watching kids, there are even stay at home dads.

By comparing then and now, what we would look for in a partner would be completely different. If the man was a sole provider, you would seek out intelligence, social and work ethic, where a may look for obedience, healthy child-baring partners.

Research has also found four components of internal negotiation when selecting a partner. The four main trade offs we make with a partner. Those four components are:

1. Love vs status/resources- This is where the value of romantic love is pitted against the value of social status and economic security. If love is strong, we may sacrifice security and economic status. But if our partner has high economic security, we may compromise the intensity of our romantic feelings.

2. Dependable/Stable vs Good Looks/Health- Humans tend to compromise emotional stability if our partner is physical attractive and in excellent health. Or, we accept a less attractive and healthy mate if they’re emotionally sound and incredibly dependable.

3. Education/Intelligence vs Desire for home/children- We tend to forgive our partner if they perusing high education or a career for the lack of wanting or even having interest in children. Or we may accept limited education and/or career advancement for someone who wants a large family and the desire to raise a large family.

4. Sociability VS Similar Religion/Beliefs- We tend to want someone who shares our religion even if they don’t possess sociable character. Or we choose someone incredibly sociable by nature that attracts us despite any/different religious background.

We have these inner conflicts most, as study show every person will decide for themselves the importance of each.

Another things we’ve learned is:

• Simple Exposure- We tend to grow to like those around us with whom we frequently contact. The more time spent together, chances increase that we’ll accept and even can grow to love them. An excellent example of this is when love and attraction happen places like work or school.

Research has also shown two personality factors were the most desirable. Those two being competence and warmth.

• Competent people are intelligent and socially skilled

• Warmth means kindness and compassion

By combining these two personality factors, you create a winning combination.

We are drawn to people much like us, usually in both level of attractiveness and personality. It’s believed the reason for this happens because it makes it easier for us to communicate, understand, know, and trust someone who is similar to us. We also tend to choose a partner close to us, either within walking distance or a car ride, many find long distance relationships to be too difficult to maintain and nurture. Sadly, long distance relationships rarely survive.

Another finding:

• Women place more importance on socioeconomic status then love, they also prefer emotional stability over appearance, followed by intelligence over desire for children.

• Women are also more selective and demanding when it comes to choosing a partner.

• Poet, Margaret Atwood wrote “Men are afraid of women laughing at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.”

• Men prefer external beauty, youth, physical health and desire for children in the partners they choose.

So, that’s what the scientific and psychology community have come to discover. So this is more of the how and why we’re attracted to someone part. Part 2 will talk about how to make yourself more attractive to others. I thought doing separate entries would be the best and least overwhelming way to go through the psychology of attraction. I hope you guys learned something here!

Vibe Higher,

Lobeless