Forget Happiness, Find your meaning. Part One.

“So what are you looking for in life?” they ask.

“I just want to be happy” we reply.

That’s a pretty typical answer I see when that question is presented to someone. It usually includes a small list like find a partner, love, a job I enjoy, more money, less debt, and so on so forth. But it always includes be happy. So what's the deal? Is everyone unhappy?

It’s not that were unhappy, it’s something completely different. It’s the fact that happiness is fleeting. To put it simply, happiness is being glad in the short term.

“I just want that job promotion, if I get it I’m going to be so happy. I deserve it, I worked hard for it.” We think that if we find that ONE thing, we’ll be happy and life will be perfect. But we get the promotion we wanted and we’re thrilled. WE DID IT! We got what we wanted. We brag to our friends or partner.

Break back to reality, Yeah you got that raise. But you’re still going to work every single day, but now you have more responsibility and things we have to get done. Now you’re stressed out and that promotion doesn’t seem like such a great thing.

Our view of happiness is skewed, people tend to think of happiness as a destination. But when you think about what actually makes you happy is constantly changing. Once we achieve something that makes us happy, the feeling subsides and we’re off chasing out next dream of happiness.

So instead of searching for what will make us happy, what should we actually be searching for is meaning. A meaningful life is in fact quite different from a happy life.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” –Viktor Frankl

So first, let’s take a look at why pursuit of happiness won’t provide you with the life you want in the end.

To live a happy life is defined by actively seeking pleasure and enjoyment.

134,021,533 books on happiness have been published up until 2016. Now that’s its 2018, I couldn’t even find the amount published. This doesn’t include any scientific studies, journeys, or reports. In one study, they had people write a list of their top five values. Happiness ranked #1 among participants.

It’s been shown that people actively pursuing happiness were affected in a negative manner to their mental well-being. Those that had marked “Feeling happy is very important to me” in a survey were then asked to keep a journal of their emotions throughout the day for two weeks. After analyzing the journals, it was reported that they actually felt lonelier on a daily basis. The more value you place on personal happiness, the more likely you are to feel lonely or at times, unfilled until you reach what you’re searching for.

Individuals who place great value on personal happiness tend to have more mental health problems, according to a study conducted at Berkeley University.

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” - Viktor Frankl

Now, let’s take a look at the search for meaningfulness in life.

A meaningful life is bigger than one’s self. It involves connecting and contributing to something beyond one’s self, such as family, humanity, family, work, nature, religion.

To live a meaningful life, you are investing in something bigger than yourself. It has been proven that living a meaningful life is often characterized by stress, increased effort, and stress. To prove this, a survey showed that “difficult” jobs (surgeons, mercenaries, firefighters, search and rescue, etc.) typically do not produce happiness in the moment, but by contributing to society, it brings much more satisfaction to their life in the long run.

A meaningful life tends to share three features, those being:

1. Purpose- The degree to which you feel directed and motivated by valued life goals.

2. Comprehension- The ability to understand and make sense of your life experiences and weave them into a coherent whole.

3. Mattering- The belief that your existence is significant and valued.

“It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.” - Viktor Frankl

If you honestly feel that your life is meaningful, then your life does in fact have purpose, coherence, and worth. Meaning isn’t something one has or doesn’t, it’s a mindset. It’s determination. It’s stepping outside of yourself to actually see a world hurting around you and doing something to help.

Meaningful and selfless activities generate positive emotions and deepen social connections, both of which increase satisfaction not only within oneself but with one’s life. When we pursue meaning it increases positive mindset. Pursuing something bigger than yourself allows you to come alive and provides an understanding of how you contribute value to society. When you can attach meaning to the smallest things (something as simple as a kind word to a stranger or friends) you can begin to connect your efforts into a larger purpose.

Viktor Frankl was a prominent Jewish psychiatrist and neurologist who was not only placed within a concentration camp by the Nazi’s, he spent time talking to other prisoners when they were at their lowest points, he survived the camp and was freed, and went on to write a book about the meaning of life. The book “Man’s search for meaning” was published in 1946. He passed away in 1996 and has 29 of his book published, His ideas have continued to remain relevant in the search for meaning.

Viktor suggests three ways to find the meaning in your life:

1. By creating a work or doing a good deed

2. By experiencing something or encountering someone

3. By the attitude we take towards unavoidable suffering

In the camp, Viktor encountered two suicidal individuals in the camp. Both completely hopeless, thinking they had nothing to expect from life or to live for, as they didn’t expect to survive the camp. By taking time to speak with them, he eventually made them realize that life was still expecting something from them. For example, one had a son, if the man were to end his life, his son would grow up without a father.

He was able to express that meaning emphasized the value of suffering and responsibility, something great than oneself.

“If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering.” - Viktor Frankl

“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone's task is unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.” -Viktor Frankl

“A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the "why" for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any "how".” –Viktor Frankl

A few things to consider when searching for your meaning or purpose: WHY you pursue something is equally as important as to WHAT you pursue, Your pursuit should be meaningful to you, by seeking purpose you acknowledge room for possibility, and lastly, LET GO of who you think you should be/what society tells you to be/what your parents or friends want and embrace who YOU are.

Then you can watch the magic as you begin a life of purpose and meaning unfold in front of you. You can begin to see a purpose for your life that is bigger than yourself. You will learn that the act of selflessness comes from pure love and brings a satisfaction greater than getting that promotion.

So now as you can see the differences between a life of happiness and a life of meaning. Happiness will come and go, and nothing that makes you happy will truly satisfy you for your life. You’ll be constantly searching for the next thing to make you happy once the feeling fades. But to live a selfless life, giving to others, and leaving your mark will soothe your soul and provide a feeling of satisfaction that lasts and gives your purpose.

Vibe Higher,

Lobeless

Note: This is part one. I found so many awesome articles, studies, journals, books, people, and other mediums that I decided to break this into two. I’ll post the second half on Tuesday, May 8th, 2018. It will go into ways to find your life’s meaning. I hope you guys enjoyed this!