Banish the word slut.

I’m sitting around with my friends, we’re just chatting about what’s going on. One looks to me and asked what I did last night, so I tell em “I was hanging out with Laura”. A few turn to me with a look of disgust. “But Laura is such a whore, she fucked Adam, Chris, Jacob, and Seth in a month. She’s nasty”. One of the guys looks over, “Yeah, she is. I fucked her a few months back, she’s easy as hell. Tell her she’s pretty and she’s all over you.”

Now, I made all these names up, but can anyone guess what point I’m trying to make? What’s wrong with the conversation above?

Slut shaming. That’s what’s wrong. I’m sure we’re all guilty of this at least once in our life. I’ll admit I’m guilty, I used to be an asshole, I used to slut shame girls because I didn’t think I was good enough or worthy of anything positive.

What is slut shaming?

Slut-shaming is the practice of criticizing women and girls who are perceived to violate expectations of behavior and appearance regarding issues related to sexuality.

Examples include being criticized or punished for violating dress code policies by dressing in perceived sexually provocative ways, requesting access to birth control, having premarital, casual, or promiscuous sex, engaging in prostitution, or when being victim blamed for being raped or otherwise sexually assaulted.

Slut shaming has been around for a long time. Not only does it oppress women, but it can be incredibly damaging when it happens to us. When you engage in slut shaming another, you’re insult a core part of what makes them human. Their sexuality. If you insult someone weight, how they look, or any little thing about them, those are things that can be changed. Human sexuality is part of us that is hardwired into every single person, man or women. Perhaps sexual preferences, attitude, choice, or other things may change as they grow older but human sexuality is something we all possess.

Not only is a women’s sexuality none of your business, but to insult someone for someone’s personal choices that have no effect whatsoever on you, is downright cruel and unfair. In my belief, even if a woman sleeps with your significant other, that doesn’t make them a slut or any other variation of the world. It means you’re dating a cheater and he choose her to swoon and sleep with her, so perhaps the anger should be directed in the right direction.

I’m not sure when a woman’s body count became your business. Who they chose, how many they choose, and in what time frame has nothing to do with you or your life. What a woman chooses to wear or not wear, does not give any message. Clothing or lack of clothing does not speak and nothing should be assumed. I don’t understand why this need to shame women developed or why it has become such a normal occurrence.

To top it off, let’s look at a bit of research.

Research has shown that the common targets of slut shaming are young women. Young women are impressionable. They’re still coming to terms with their bodies, minds, and all the changes going on. There have been numerous suicides on record that have to do slut shaming.

Could you live with yourself if someone killed themselves over what you said?

Both men and women are guilt of slut shaming. There are multiple reasons both sexes slut shame.

Men may do it when a girl refuses to give into his sexual demands. Or perhaps an attempt to “brag” about sleeping with a girl. It could be a random insult they know will upset a girl.

When girls slut shame it can be to inform a social hierarchy. It could be jealousy. Perhaps by breaking another down is a way she builds herself up. There are plenty of reasons men and women take to slut shaming.

In 2016, research was done using twitter and searching for misogynistic language, it was found 52% using this were women. This was in 2016, I don’t even want to imagine the percentage occurring now. But seeing this statistic blew my mind, more women than men are using misogynist language to insult and belittle other women.

This may have to do with an occurrence known as Internalized Misogyny. Internalized Misogyny is when a women is exposed to men’s misogynistic rhetoric and behavior, so much to the point they start to believe that it’s true and warranted. It becomes embedded in their minds and happens unconsciously.

Or did you know that in the world, there are 220 derogatory terms to describe a sexually promiscuous women, but only 20 words for men?

This means everyone is potentially armed with 220 words to tear apart a women.

Lastly, let’s check out the media and the effect it has.

We judge women on sexual aspects. We break them down and tear them apart. But while we shame women for being sexual, we use attractive women using their bodies to sell products. We all know sex sells. The media will sexualize women in any way possible if it means they’ll turn a profit. I actually looked this up, out of 2,863 magazines, ads targeted to young adults were 65% more likely to contain provocatively dressed models and 128% more likely to contain sexual behavior than those for mature adults.

Let’s look at television or movies.

I recently watched “The Proposal” with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. She’s this hot shot, big time publisher in New York. He’s her assistant. She’s a Canadian citizen and is going to be deported so she basically forced Reynold’s character to marry her so she can become a citizen. But she’s such a big time, intimidating hot shot she hasn’t had sex or love forever until Reynold’s and his family melts her heart and he comes after her.

In most television or movies, the woman is either having a life crisis, their character is the “bad girl”, mentally ill, the shy introvert girl who gains confidence or stuck in a shitty job and they also show her as being promiscuous. Girl, Interrupted is yet another example. Gossip Girl shows this over and over. Even think back to the movie Flash Dance or Dirty Dancing.

So that’s where I stand on the subject of slut shaming.

It’s something that needs to be address, needs to be stopped, and we need to empower women, we need to show them sexuality isn’t something that needs to be hidden. That you are allowed to do with your body whatever you please and NO ONE should say any different. Own your body, your life, and dress or fuck however or whomever you want. Don’t let other’s guilt or shame you into hiding what you want to do.

“There is never, never, never cultural justification for dehumanizing another human being.” – Joe Biden

Vibe Higher,

Lobeless