Are you really ready for change?

So it’s November (2017) and I’m sitting here thinking to myself, “You’ve lived a miserable life. You’re becoming a miserable person. Why does all this bad stuff keep happening to me? When is something good coming my way? What am I going to do?” I was a broken mess and I hated myself. With numerous suicide attempts under my belt, a failed engagement, broken friendships and a fractured family life…. How do you fix yourself?

Or are you even broken? Has all this trauma somehow made you even tougher? Scars are thicker than healthy skin. And my body and mind were covered in scars. So I did the research, I read the books, listened to my teachers, engaged like minded people in conversation, everything I could think of and here’s a list of questions and suggestions I came up with that helped me realize where I needed to make changes and really take a look at the effects they had taken.

• Forgive others. Forgive people you dislike, have wronged you, hurt you, or caused a negative impact on your life. Holding on to hatred is wasted energy, what else could you be doing if directed that energy to another area of your life?

• Stop procrastinating. There is no such thing as the “right time”. Stop waiting for conditions to be right and start now.

• Reflect on relationships in your life. Do the people you spend time with or talk to add to your life, bringing positivity or are they negative? Always having problems or “drama” and bringing it to you. Think to yourself, what do they offer to you and your life? What do you have to offer them?

• Learn to love failing. Failing means you tried something. Sure, it didn’t work but that means you’re doing something and it eliminated one thing. Time to move on to the next thing and try that instead of dwelling on the failure.

• Growth comes from hardships. Things are going wrong, nothing is working, and you’re trying to figure out how to make something work. (for instance: you need to pay rent and don’t have the money, your relationship is in rough water but you don’t want to leave your partner) In these times, you find yourself thinking of ways to complete your task showing you just how creative and driven you are!

• Check in with yourself. Perhaps set times like every month, quarterly, even weekly if you feel yourself veering off track. Look at where you are in life at that time. What are your goals? Are you working towards them? Do you love what you’re doing right now? If not, is it time for a change? Just working for a paycheck can really damage our sense of self, you may not have the best job or be where you want, but are you happy? That’s the main point.

• Always work on self-improvement. Learn something new, read more, try a new hobby, do something you haven’t done before. Don’t waste your potential and allow yourself to rust.

• Help more! If you have the ability to help another person, do it. They may never be able to “pay” you back but that isn’t why you do it. You do it out of kindness and compassion. We all need a helping hand from time and time and helping someone doesn’t have to be financial.

• Set boundaries! In all aspects of your life, personal and professional and stick to them. These boundaries should be followed by everyone (including friends, family, work, school, and partners) and should not be crossed. We all have areas where perhaps we allow people to do or say something that upsets us or makes us uncomfortable. By setting boundaries and making sure to reinforce them, you’re saying that you matter.

• Stand your ground. Stand up for yourself. Don’t let people belittle you or make you feel small. Your opinions, thoughts, how you look or act are all important aspects to your sense of self. People may make a joke that hurts your feelings, if you ignore it, it’s bound to repeat itself but if you address it, hopefully you squashed a small fire before it got too big.

• Check your energy output. Just like you check the gas in your car. Not sure how to do this, I’ve got a task for you. Take a notebook with you and track what you do all day and how much time you spend doing that. Do that for a few days then review that. Where is your time and energy going? If you’re wasting your time and energy, find a way to remedy that. If you sit around and watch a lot of tv, perhaps do something like work out while watching tv. Multi-tasking can be a huge help!

• Put yourself first. You cannot pour from a empty vessel. If you’re exhausted, drained, or sick then you can’t do anything for anyone else. You cannot rely on anyone else putting you first, you have to do that.

• Allow a mental health day when needed. We all get overwhelmed by daily life, jobs, bills, kids/pets, choices, and even people can drain you. Take time to recharge so you can be your best self. Step back if you need to and take a day for yourself.

• Be gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself for mistakes made in the past, times you hurt other people, bad choices, or anything you regret. You are human meaning you are flawed. So forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes, and move on!

• Apologize to others. The other person may not want to forgive you, they may brush you off, ignore you, but admitting your fault in something and truly apologizing to that person can make a world of difference for you and them. Remember, if someone tells you how they feel, you have no right to tell them they’re wrong. Feelings cannot be wrong.

• Self-Awareness. This is huge. Know what your wants and needs are, know the difference between the two though. Make sure your needs are met, or you’re working towards having them met. Happiness is priceless.

• Be upfront with others. If someone crosses a line, and it truly affects you, tell them.

• Know your worth. You are one of a kind, there will never be another you. You have a unique mindset, skills, opinions, everything about you is one of a kind. Don’t let anyone tear you down or make you feel worthless.

• IF YOU TRULY LOVED YOURSELF, WOULD YOU ACCEPT LESS THAN YOU DESERVE?

• How do you love? Is your love honest, respectful, and caring? Do you love with an open mind and heart? If not, are you holding back because of a past hurt or trauma? While it’s easier to shut down, it makes your life less fulfilling. Being hurt is never fun and everyone knows that, but muted feelings hurt too.

Alright guys, obviously I’ll be covering more ground on things similar to this and tons of other stuff but I wanted to cover this with you. These questions, things I’ve been working on or thinking about really helped me realize where my lack was lacking and what I needed to do to excel and change things. I hope these help you too! If you have any of your own, please share them!

Vibe Higher,

Lobeless