All I wanna do is smash

Get your mind out of the gutter, people.

When I say smash, I’m not talking about getting laid. I’m talking about smashing gender roles, preconceived notions, assumptions, rumors, societal norms and numerous other things. Each one of these things are basically a wall between a person and the people of the world. It can cut us off, destroy our reputations, destroy our self-esteem or make us feel that we’re not normal.

When we meet a new person we size them up, even if we aren’t speaking. This is an ancient instinct we had to assess threats. Say you’re at the grocery store and you see someone with a cart full of junk food, dressed down (perhaps you think they look gross or are making fun of them in your head) and you see them take out their food stamp card. Lots of people are instantly disgusted. I worked retail for more than ten years and I’ve watched people behind someone using a food stamp card and see how disgusted they looked. You have no right to an opinion unless you were paying for their groceries.

When people look at me, they don’t see anything close to the person I really am inside. They assume I’m a trouble maker, I’ve been to jail, I do drugs, and numerous other things. I shaved my head one year, it was on my bucket list, and people thought I was a lesbian. Just because I didn’t have long hair. I enjoy more “manly” hobbies like home improvement (sanding and staining woods, painting, filling holes, taking things apart, fixing them if needed and putting them back together). I’ve had some girls look down on me because I don’t do my nails, have long hair, or plenty of other things I don’t do.

I’m guilty of this one, but before when my boyfriend (ex now) was being emotional I would tell him to “man up” never thinking to myself how insulting that was for him. I knew it struck a nerve and when he hurt my feelings, I wanted to lash back out and hurt him so I would say that just to be a bitch. Now I encourage men to show emotion. If they need to cry, I allow that release. If they’re upset I try to talk to them and get them to open up to me. I encourage any form of emotional release.

Lots of people look down on people for crying, having an anxiety attack, being depressed or suicidal. I’ve heard people say they’re going to kill themselves then having people tell them or their friends that they’re just trying to get attention. People who self-harm just want attention. I clean every day so I must have OCD, no you don’t, unless the cleaning is a compulsion and it leads to different things (like feeling something awful will happen if you don’t do what is stuck in your head). I have DID, formally known as multiple personality disorder so I must be a murdered, instead of the victim of traumatic events out of my control.

I’ve watched and experienced what rumors can do. When we hear something about ourselves that was started by another and they tend to not be kind, we’re hurt. We may not admit it, even to ourselves but it takes its toll.

One thing I see constantly happening over and over again is women tearing down other women. Either slut shaming, weight shaming, making comments on their looks, hair, clothing choices, who they hang out with, or just who they’re related too. I don’t know how many times a girl has emailed or texted me insulting me. A girl I had never met would actually take the time to basically stalk my life then post insulting tumblr entries. She found me on Instagram. She followed my life and spent too much time trying to upset me because she was dating my ex-fiancé. I’ve received anonymous messages saying if I went to a certain show that I would be attacked.

Why do we, as humans, attack and attempt to hurt each other constantly? What does it gain a person? I truly believe this is something every one of can work on. Instead of finding the faults in a person, find the value. Every person has value, they’ve had different life experiences that can teach us something. Start building up people, especially if they seem down. Sometimes people need the other person to reach out first. See that every life is worth something and help other people’s see the same. Let’s stop tearing people apart, and start putting them back together.

Vibe Higher,

Lobeless